These sad stories are now multiplying without any sign of letting up. The issue of possible restoration is very complicated. Let’s proceed with caution and depend on the Scriptures, as we receive grace and wisdom. Another warning, though: this post discusses adult topics but in a pastoral and redemptive way.

Let’s begin

I. Introduction

A. Definition of terms

For the purposes of this post, a pastor = an elder = an overseer, have the same basic functions in the local church, which I argued for in Part 1. A leader is a generic term for anyone who leads, either in church or a parachurch ministry, like a Christian college or an evangelistic ministry.

Sec. 10, 1 Ecclesiology, Doctrine of the Church: The Basics

B. Lifestyle of sin

Some church leaders live a lifestyle of sin, habitual sin with other people (I deal with porn addiction, below). The door to church leadership is closed to them. They are predators. Their relationship with God through his Son can be restored, and they can even tell their testimony of God’s restoration, but no leadership. Disqualified.

C. What about those without a lifestyle of sin or repeat offensives?

But what about the pastor or leader who did something wrong–who sinned–and is not a repeat offender nor lives a lifestyle of habitual sin? He fell into it before he could think straight. He was in his office, unwisely counseling a woman alone, and it happened. He immediately repented and told an elder or two. What now?

(I heard that real-life scenario from a wise, older pastor in the 1980s. His solution is revealed in the Application)

II. Qualities of an Elder or Overseer or Pastor

A. Brief intro.

It is sad that I have to list the qualities of elders, overseers and pastors in a post about fallen leaders, but I must make the leaders beware.

B. Table of qualities

Here are the standards–very high ones!

Overseers in 1 Timothy 3:2-7	Elders  / Overseers in Titus 1:6-9
2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.	6 An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe[b] and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. 7 Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. 8 Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 9 He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
Servant-Deacons in 1 Timothy 3:8-13	Elders in 1 Peter 5:1-4
8 In the same way, deacons[b] are to be worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain. 9 They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons. 11 In the same way, the women are to be worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. 12 A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well. 13 Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.	To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: 2 Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
Servant Deacons in Acts 6:3-6
3 Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them 4 and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.” 5 This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. 6 They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them.

C. Explanation

I concede that this table can be intimidating because all those virtues are difficult to live up to, but there they are. The qualities prove that an elder or overseer or pastor must be above reproach and have a good reputation to the outside world. He cannot pursue dishonest gain (some hyper-prosperity preachers do this). He cannot lord it over people but lead by example. He must serve eagerly.

Peter must have taken these words of Jesus to heart:

²⁵ Jesus called them [the twelve] together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. ²⁶ Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— ²⁸ just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve […], (Matt. 20:25-28)

Elders of the flock must not be like pagan rulers. Peter says that the goal will be a crown of glory for leading properly. The implication is that elders may not get one, either.

The qualities in Acts 6 is the fullness of the Spirit and wisdom. This challenges leaders today.

Next, they cannot be violent–no domestic violence. They must be self-controlled. “Faithful to his wife” literally says, “husband of one wife” in Greek. But I like the NIV’s translation. However, what happens when an elder sins and breaks his marriage vow? What if he is not above reproach or exercised self-control? Yet, what if his wife is willing to forgive and not divorce him, though she could legitimately do this (Matt. 19:9)? First Timothy 5:19-20 provides guidance.

III. Two Levels of Restoration

A. Brief intro.

Let’s separate off the laity and the leaders because there is confusion about the two cases.

B. First level: Laity

The first kind or level is about any brother or sister who offends, that is, the laity.

According to Matthew 18:15-18, Jesus said, first, to show a brother his fault. But if he does not repent, then the early Christians were to take two or more brothers with them to show him his fault. If he refuses to listen, then the Christians were to tell it to the church; and if he still does not repent, then he is to be removed from fellowship. These are practical and down-to-earth steps that Christian churches may follow with variations that relate to specific facts. These principles behind the steps are found not only in the Gospels, but throughout the New Testament. Therefore, early Christianity has a lot to offer society.

True Church Leaders Do Not Weaponize Matthew 18 against Victims of Abuse

Further, Galatians 6:1 offers wisdom for anyone (“someone”) in the church who sins and needs restoration:

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. (Gal. 6:1)

On his genuine repentance, anyone can return to fellowship with other believers and certainly to his relationship with God, during the restoration process. But be sure the Christian who lives by the Spirit restores the fallen brother or sister with gentleness and to watch himself. Just because restoration is possible does not mean the restorer can lose his morals and go out and sin deliberately and expect to get away with it. He must no be dragged down by the offending brother who does not genuinely repent.

For example, it is best that the mature, Spirit-filled brother should not be a former alcoholic who dropped his bad lifestyle and is now overseeing the restoration of an ex-alcoholic who fell back into it; the restorer may be tempted to return to his old habit. The same goes for a mature, Spirit-filled brother who used to have a lifestyle of sexual sin and who now decides to restore the brother who also has also this habitual sin. Be watchful!

Come to think of it, Galatians 6:1 says, “you who are spiritual.” The you is plural. A team should restore the brother who sins. Warning!

However, this post is not about restoring the average Christian member of the congregation who sins, but about restoring leaders to leadership.

C. Second level: church leaders

So here is the second kind or level of restoration. It is about restoring church leaders:

¹⁹ Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. ²⁰ But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. (1 Timothy 5:19-20)

Two or three witnesses does not mean, in this context, that they walked in on the adulterers doing the deed or any other sinful act. Two or three could merely confirm the charge leveled against him. Note that the verb tense is present: “who are sinning.” This means a habitual lifestyle of sin.

For example, the vast majority of youtube prophets have a track record of failed prophecies. Some youtube channels have a catalogue of them (see Drew Bloom 34). These prophets are sinning with their words and apparent gifting. Their youtube channels are obviously their side hustles. I wonder how much money they make.

³⁶ But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. ³⁷ For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matt. 12:26-37)

Those prophets must stop. They are at risk during final judgment.

²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ (Matt. 7:21-23, emphasis added)

Even a preacher who ends his TV show with “Jesus is Lord!” does not mean he is connected to the head, who is Christ. The teacher may not even know the Lord or lost his original connection years ago, and now practices lawlessness (“evildoers”).

As far as reproving the offending elder publicly, in the world today, this might generate a lawsuit, if caution is not used. It may not be a good idea to bring him up on the platform and rebuke him, unless the sinning pastor agrees to it. Alternative: Word travels fast on the web. Just posting an update about a pastor on your church website may be enough. Be gentle with the wording, though. Finally, the  passage does not tell the elder or leader to sit down forever. Evidently, he could remain an elder or leader.

However, we must now zoom out and consider other passages and principles derived from the passages that urge caution about instant restoration or any restoration. Let’s consider the whole counsel of God (Acts 20:27).

D. An Objection

Objection: The Bible never talks about two kinds or levels of restoration. The whole previous section goes beyond Scripture. A waste of time!

Reply: Those verses I quoted in the previous section do say there are two kinds or levels. In addition, what about these verses? Teachers will be judged more strictly (Jas. 3:1). Leaders will have to render their accounts (Heb. 13:17). Leaders who build their ministry with wood, hay, or straw will have to endure fire at judgment (1 Cor. 3:15). The church is God’s temple. If anyone destroys it, God will destroy the human destroyer! (1 Cor. 3:16-17).

That is so serious. Let everyone tremble before God and the reality behind those Scriptures!

So there is a difference between restoring any believer back to a church and his relationship with God. The way back is open for the genuinely repentant believer (laity). Even a genuinely repentant leader can be restored in that way. But this post is about his restoration to ministry.

E. Unequal status and power

The clergy have spiritual authority over their parishioners, so the state holds the clergy to a higher standard. Some states have laws against sexual misconduct. If this is true follow the civil government (Rom. 13:1-5).

If there is an unequal relationship between the clergyman and the woman, as there usually is, then Matthew 18:15-20 does not apply.

If the minister has a wall around him or an entourage. then keep criticizing from a distance. He made himself unattainable. But don’t stop calling him out. And by the way, the witnesses do not have to see the adultery if it is secret. But they should at confront the alleged adulterer.

Most importantly, Matthew 18 does not apply in the case of elders or church leaders who sin. If he can be reached and confronted personally, all one needs to do is take two or three witnesses to confront the elder (leader). It would be beneficial to take an older person with you, someone mature in the Lord. You alone do not have to confront the accused elder. And certainly the one who has been (allegedly) abused should not confront him. If the accused leader insists on confronting the (alleged) victim alone, then the leader is out of order. Tell him no. You do not have to bring the victim, per 1 Timothy 5:19-20.

Here in California, it is illegal to make the victim of abuse meet with her abuser. It is a sure thing that other states have similar laws, because it would be too traumatic for the victim. The one-on-one meeting may open up old wounds, or the leader may intimidate his victim through mental and emotional terror. There’s wisdom in the state laws. Is the church less wise than the civil authorities? A proper exegesis says no; the church has its own wisdom.

To sum up briefly, don’t allow a church leader accused of clergy abuse to cry “Matthew 18!” That’s manipulative. Matthew 18 is simply about a brother confronting another brother or a sister confronting another sister in a church setting, alone at first. Matthew 18 is not about a brother or sister confronting a leader, one on one, alone. This could be very intimidating for a sister, particularly when she was the one abused. This meeting probably violates all state laws, and it certainly violates state law in California. Mature Christians need to confront his abuser and his misconduct without the victim present.

Stop Weaponizing Matthew 18 against Victims of Clergy Abuse

Now what happens when the civil authorities are not notified because the a clergy affair is not against the law or the relationship was not abusive (e.g. a clergyman with a minor) or manipulative (she was a willing partner)?

Let’s look into this, next

IV. Modern Scenarios and Precautions

A. Brief intro.

The NT was written 2000 years ago, and our laws vary in many aspects. Here are some precautions based on many Scriptures.

1. Crime

As noted in the previous section, crime must be punished. If a pastor abuses a minor, no matter how long ago, then he must be prosecuted (if the statute of limitations has not run out). And if he is found guilty, he should spend time in prison or do what the judge metes out (Rom. 13:1-5). No restoration to the pastorate after his time in prison. He is a predator. Too risky to restore him. Too many liabilities.

2.. Pastor who divorces and runs off with another woman

Let’s say a pastor leaves the wife of his youth without biblical reasons; he is now with a younger woman (or another woman of any age). So he divorces his wife and runs off with her, taking some church money (or not). He is not to be trusted, ever, if he seeks to minister again. No restoration back to his original pastorate. He is too unclean, as he stands up in his church with his new bride. The original church should also post a warning on their website, so other churches can be warned, in case he knocks on their doors.

3.. Serial adulterer

As noted in the Introduction, if a pastor is a serial adulterer with women who are not minors, then he is unstable. He is yet another predator. As noted in the intro to this post, this article is not about this kind of habitual sin. No restoration to leadership. Ever. Let him get a job in the business world.

4. One-off affair

What happens when a pastor has a one-off, brief affair and repents to his elders? He didn’t know what came over him! (This scenario is like the one in the intro to this post.) If the pastor’s wife refuses to forgive him but divorces him (Matt. 19:9), then this complicates the matter. That’s a tough call. I would say that he should be moved to the sidelines and not restored. It is too unclean for the church to be led by this pastor. He should get a job in the business world.

However, there may be circumstances I don’t foresee, so my answer could change. Each case must be evaluated on its merits (or demerits). What was his character like? Was he loving and righteous and pure to his flock before the painful circumstances struck? Leaders of the church, pray for wisdom!

What if the wife forgives him? Then restoration is possible, but the leaders, once again, must take things case by case and proceed with caution.

5.. Unconsummated adultery

What about a pastor or leader who commits unconsummated adultery, like phone sex or sexting? Well, consummated adultery is worse than the unconsummated kind because in the consummated kind, he becomes “one flesh” with a woman other than his wife (1 Cor. 6:16). Matthew 5:28 says (emphasis added): “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Do we really want to fire pastors if they have lust in their hearts from time to time? There is a difference between physical adultery and mental adultery. With the latter, he has not literally become one flesh with her.

Matthew 5:28 and Adultery in the Heart

And so the answer to unconsummated adultery depends on the circumstances. Sexting or sexual phone conversations may be forgiven, if the pastor sits on the sidelines for a while and his wife forgives and does not divorce him.

6. Unconsummated adultery but with some sexual contact

Now what about personal sexual contact without consummation? Even though the relationship was uinconsummated, physical sexual contact without consummation is still worse than sexting or sexualized phone calls. Once again, the circumstances: was the relationship long lasting, that is, done many times or a few times? How long ago was it? Does his wife forgive him? Does he have a good past record of faithfulness, and this failure was the first and only time? He needs to sit in the penalty box for a season of time, for sure, but what about restoring him to ministry later? I say this may be done in certain circumstances, but each case should be evaluated individually.

7. Porn addiction

What about a porn addiction? He should sit on the sidelines until he overcomes, by God’s grace and the Spirit’s power, his habit, and his wife is patient and forgives him. When he does put away this sin, he can be restored. Hope. If he cannot or refuses, then no ministry position.

8. Unconsummated sex with the same sex

What about the same scenario (unconsummated adultery) but of the same sex? (Can he even become “one flesh” with another man? It seems not.) God set him free from same-sex attraction and he even got married and now has children. He is now a pastor. he had avoided same-sex sex, until he fell.

First, a pastor should not be in ministry if he is single. Paul, a single man, was a traveling, itinerant apostle, a missionary. He lived an unsettled life. In contrast, we are talking here about elders / pastors / overseers who live a settled life leading the local church.

Second, same-sex attraction may indicate other problems, like sexual trauma in his childhood, in many cases.

Third, I say no restoration, if he was single, because he should not be in the pastorate in the first place.

Fourth, if he were married to a woman because God restored his sexual attraction to the opposite sex, then the other scenarios in this section should be applied. But the restoration process, if it is possible, has to involve his returning to his opposite-sex attraction. Make sure this is done.

Fifth, if he struggles too much with same-sex attraction, then he should not be in ministry, any more than a man who struggles too much with opposite-sex attraction. Both are too unstable to withstand satanic and human attacks in ministry.

9.. Wife who departs without biblical reasons

What happens if a wife leaves her pastor-husband for no biblical reason? He was kind to her. He loved her as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25), that is, as much as any husband could. He was a good husband. She simply met another man and divorced her husband-pastor. Once again a tough case. If we read 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 about being faithful to his wife and managing his household, in an unbending way, then the answer is no restoration because he has not managed his household.

Still on the same scenario, but perhaps the culture 2000 years ago put so much pressure on the woman that she would not dare do this, not realistically. If she lived in Corinth or Ephesus or Thessalonica (Thessaloniki), could she really live a good life after an affair and divorce? Wouldn’t the people of the city hear about the affair and shun her or whisper behind her back, making her new life unbearable? Moving out of town and away from the children was very difficult back then, much more so than it is today with modern transportation.

In contrast, modern society allows for easy divorce, and she would not suffer a social stigma. So there’s a cultural difference. Once again, a literalistic reading of “manage his household” would deny restoration. Also, the pastor may be suffering so badly from the divorce, he would have to sit on the sidelines for a long season until his pain subsides. But restoration may be possible, even if he remarries.

Overview of Divorce and Remarriage in the New Testament

Each case must be weighed individually, on its own terms. Does he have good character? Was his ministry loving and pure and righteous until the surprise divorce? The leadership team must pray for wisdom and live between mercy and righteous standards. Personally, I cannot slam the door shut on him and lock the door and throw away the key automatically, without taking other factors into consideration. I urge caution about his ministry as a recently divorced, single pastor. Single women may distract him. That’s why Paul wrote “husband of one wife” (faithful to his wife). Pray, leadership team! Maybe he cannot be restored until he marries again, which may take years.

I recently heard the case of a pastor whose wife committed serial adultery (I don’t know how many men). The church allowed him to be their pastor during these troubles, and the church prayed. She repented and returned to him and their marriage. The end of the story seemed so wholesome that I cannot see removing the pastor from his leadership role. Now they have a story of redemption to tell.

B. Summary

To wrap up this section, I don’t know if I have covered all the scenarios that have ever come up in the modern American church, but I hope those cases I did cover help to guide the church either to restore or not restore.

V. Application

A. Brief intro.

The entire last section consisted of practical applications, but maybe we can still draw some lessons from the whole post

B. Answering the scenario in the Introduction.

What happened to the fallen pastor in the intro? The wiser, older pastor restored him.

C. No over-analysis

Someone may think I was overanalyzing these scenarios and instead wants to burn down the fallen pastor’s entire ministry (“no mercy for anyone! Throw him out!”). I urge caution about this severe attitude. Plus, I am not being overanalytical, either. I believe I have biblical warrant. Recall that 1 Timothy 5:19-20 does not appear to slam the door shut on the fallen pastor / elder in his leadership role, in every single case. We don’t know what the sinning elder had done. So being as specific as I can is better than vague statements and solutions.

D. Extreme cases are easy to judge.

Extreme cases are obvious to decide. Habitual, lifestyle sinful pastors and other leaders or serial adulterers or embezzlers or abusers of minors cannot be restored. They are predators or proven thieves. No restoration to leadership. Not ever. They may even have to be prosecuted, if laws were broken.

E. Complex cases are more difficult to judge.

When complicated, ambiguous scenarios come up, however, we have to ask: did the fallen pastor have good character, except for this one mess up? Did he have a history of a high quality life, as we saw those qualities in the table, above. Or did he lord it over his church? Did he manipulate prophecy? Did he yell at people and sell the gospel? Did he accumulate exorbitant wealth (evidence of greed)? Did he stir up strife between his allies and his critics in the church?

On the other side, if he had good character, lived prudently and modestly, did not live on conspicuous wealth, preached the whole counsel of God, loved people, even speaking the truth in love (and exhibited other high-quality things), and his ministry was loving and pure and righteous, then, as noted, 1 Timothy 5:19-20 does not seem to slam the door shut and lock it forever. Rebuking the elder in public seemed to have been enough to restore him or keep him as an elder. The modern American leader could be restored for a momentary failure.

F. Submission to accountability

In all cases if the leadership team decides to restore him, he must submit to an accountability team, to monitor his progress.

G. Main message

The main message in this post to leaders of the church who are responsible for possibly restoring the fallen pastor is to pray and ask God for wisdom, in the more ambiguous cases. And elders should not cave in, when the pastor committed a crime, like child abuse or embezzlement. No restoration to ministry.